neil it is 2 years my god time flys and i am as wounded today as i was the very day it happened driving to work this morning i went over everything that happened then i pulled up at my mums in the car and paused it was the same time as it was on that morning 2years ago when the police were waiting to rip my and oliver and everyones for that matter world appart things dont get any better other than your little man gets more like you each day everything is at a thousand mile an hour yeah go on laugh cos if i didnt i would be sat doing exactly what i am sat doing now crying my bloody eyes out i will ask you again but why and why is it so damn sore. oliver was only talking about you the other day saying he wanted to kiss and cuddle ya before you went to heaven and i told him no matter what the hugs you gave each other were enough to last a life time it is always so sad and the little twinkling in his eyes just like the ones you had when i was mad at ya make me melt and i have to be so strong not to cry and get upset when i am telling him well just so ya know we did not come today as i have said before too sore to face but instead he spent the day with me sorting out stuff for his horse and to top it all he been a nightmare all day and as cheeky as ever so stop laughing if you put him up to this.......... god i pray that i could just borrow you for one day to see that smile and laugh like we used to as much as we used to normally when talking about oliver.... love and miss ya you!!!! ps mum and dad still wont celebrate their wedding anniversary cos of this day and they laugh cos when dad had heartattack on your birthday you laughed yeah laughing again promised you pay him back and boy oh boy did you do that you bugar. x x x just a little note to you from oliver to tell you that you are still that shining star and always will be never will you be forgotten but i know you will be glad to see i am well daddy and taken care of and love spending time wi aunt lynn she very special to me and reminds me a lot like you daddy two peas in a pod....... wish you were here for a kiss and love and i wish i could understand why but when i get a bit older maybe then things may become more clear i am thinking about been a police officer or a vet at the minute but as ya might be aware i change my mind daily think i get that from you daddy always something to plan and ya taught mummy well cos she just the same rest up keep me safe and keep smiling love you always x x x x x x x x